You Gold Girl!

I swear, as much as I hate the Post, their headlines make me laugh.
Thoughts on Carly Patterson: someone, somewhere in America really, truly loves that girl but it ain't me. She really is the next Mary Lou Retton, another high-pitched linebacker I don't care about. She was obviously born to go on a box of wheaties, but she's so middle American, in her "I Heart Glitter," have overly tweezed eyebrows, smile through any and every occasion, and only use the words like, gosh, and omigod, that I just want to renounce her.
And what it is about American gymnasts sounding like they're on helium?
And what is it about male athletes sounding like they're on helium in particular? Mike Tyson, David Beckham, Paul Hamm, anyone?
And, when the ladies get set to go out and compete, do you think there's a blind man sitting at a table with overstocked '80s eye shadow who assigns them colors on their way out the door? "Carly, you get bright Blue. Chinese pixie girl, you get bright green. You, over there, you get Chartreuse."
What I really didn't like about the women's gymnastics final was that it didn't look easy. When those ladies got on the balance beam it looked really, really fucking hard. And of course it is hard, I couldn't walk across a balance beam without cracking my head open, let alone flip down the length of it. But the best athletes do extremely difficult things with so much grace and skill that it looks easy. Not a one of those gymnasts did that last night. Great, you stuck your landing, but it's not quite the same when you're swinging your arms like a windmill and seem surprised yourself that it worked out. I guess that's the difference between a 10 and a 9.8whatever.