Yes, I have one pair, and I will be wearing them to your funeral, Barbara.

I attributed Patrick Swayze’s crazy ugly ears in Havana Nights to aging, but apparently I just wasn’t up on a new fashion trend. At last nights extended Lord of the Rings spooning session, two of Hollywood’s brightest stars, Jim Carrey and Tommy Cruise himself, were both sporting a pair of new-fangled, protruding, hideously ugly ears. If you’re not wealthy enough to afford a genuine pair (Jim was rumored to have paid upwards of $500,000 for his authentic, Caucasian pair, though they can go for as low as 100 grand, bleaching not included, natch) the Extreme Makeover site is selling a prosthetic support that simultaneously shoves the lobe and upper rim outwards for a paltry $50. Another way to achieve the look is, of course, to get a really, really bad haircut and then go out and telecast yourself to millions.